Eowyn the Seductress
by swimfan
Summary: The story of Eowyn's attempts to seduce the men of Middle Earth after she can't get Aragorn. It's humor, kinda making fun of her. So if you don't want to see her in that way then do not read this. And for the record, the word attempt does not mean succeed
1. prologue

**Eowyn the Seductress**

**Chap 1: Prologue**

This is the story of all my attempts of seducing all the men of Middle Earth. Now first of all I want to make some things clear. I'm not a slut, really, I just like to have some fun. Of course you wouldn't understand. You don't have some nasty looking, possessed by a dark wizard, guy stalking you and constantly hitting on you. Not only is it insulting but it's also extremely annoying. The guy just can't take no for an answer. Well anyway, I knew I could get a better man than him. But all the men in my kingdom had either been banished or were loyal to Saruman. So you can imagine my joy when the Fellowship arrived in Rohan.


	2. the fellowship arrives

**DISCLAIMER:** (sorry I forgot this in the 1st chapter.) I do not own LOTR or any of the characters.

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**A/N:** _**Nenriel**--thanks _

_**Anya**--lol please don't kill me _

_**leggylover**--Yes it will definatly have Legolas, he's my favorite! _

_**Kathryn Angelle**--Eowyns cool but that sucks for her that Aragorn likes Arwen not her. _

_**God (No, really!)**--yea its taking me long to update, I'll try to be faster next time. _

_Thanks everyone for reviewing. Sorry this update took so long. The next chapter will be up kinda soon, depending on how fast I type it. Please review. :)

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**Chapter 2**

The day the Fellowship came was bright and sunny. In my heart I had a strange feeling that something big was going to happen. It was about 5 days after my brother had been banished. Life had been hell. Grima followed me everywhere, and seemed more in love with me every passing day. I needed a man and I needed one fast. It was so insulting that the only man that was interested in me was a pale greasy-haired freak. His skin was all white and shriveled up and looked so disgusting. And whenever he got close to me I felt nauseous from the sight of his disgusting face and the foul smell of his hair. I was constantly slapping him when he was hitting on me, but it didn't help. The slimy creature couldn't take a hint, he thought I was flirting with him.

I had just run away from him after he had come up to me and stroked my hair, and I was standing on the balcony outside my room. The wind blew my hair back as I stood there looking at the kingdom. I saw three horses approaching the hill. My heart leapt with joy. Visitors! And all men from the looks of it. I ran my hands through my hair and smoothed down my dress as I watched them ride closer. Soon they were riding through the gates. One of them caught my eye right away. He was tall and strong with shoulder length dark brown hair. He was very handsome and looked like a Ranger. Right then I decided that he was the one I wanted. And I was confident that I could have him. I had never been refused by a man.

As I stood there I looked at the other three men. One was an elf, young, tall, with long silky blond hair, very good looking. I decided that he would be my second choice...not that it would come to that, the tall dark Ranger would not refuse me. The other man was old, but I didn't let that fool me, because I knew from experience that some old men were really good in bed. My last choice was the dwarf. It's just hard, if you can imagine, to get it on with somebody ½ your size.

So with that I flipped back my hair and ran down to the throne room, where my uncle was. I was sure that it was him whom they had come to see. I stood in the shadows behind my uncle waiting for them to come in. Grima came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off and took a step forward. He was about to protest, but the doors opened, and the four men burst in. All their weapons had been taken, probably by the guards on Grima's orders. Grima ran over the them and shouted at the guards, "Fools! Why didn't you take the wizard's staff?" The old man was holding what looked like a walking stick. When the guards came running at him he raised it up and blew them away. Grima was right, the man was a wizard. I stood and watched as the old man sucked the spirit of Saruman out of my uncle. He freed him. I rushed over to my uncle and hugged him, joyful that he was back.

I was introduced to the four men: Aragorn; son of Arathorn of Gondor, Legolas; Prince of Mirkwood, Gimli; son of Gloin, and Gandalf the White. I was very satisfied when I saw the four men checking me out. Everything was working just as planned.

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**A/N:** _The next chapter will be her first attempt. Thanks for reading_


	3. the first atempt

**DISCLAIMER:** LOTR is not mine. It belongs to Tolkien 

**A/N:** _Ok I have a lot to say. First of all thank you to all my reviewers, that's lots of reviews for only 2 short chapters. Sorry this one is short too. It was just the right place to stop it. And Next I want to apologize for taking so long to update, almost 3 months to update this._

_Thank you to all my reviewers is at the bottom.

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**CHAPTER 3**

Aragorn was my first target, my favorite of the men. The first thing I needed to know was if I had competition. I asked the elf, Legolas, to tell me about Aragorn. He would tell me nothing except that Aragorn was not available. "His heart belongs to another" he told me. He refused to tell me her name, only that that she was an Elven maiden. This made me happy because Elves are immortal, which meant that the girl was very likely a hundred or more years older than me. Wit this new knowledge I went through the first part of my plan; letting him know what he could have.

I had the servants accommodate Aragorn in my room, instead of a regular guest room. In his adorable naive ness he didn't notice the difference or suspect anything. I had picked out my sexiest nightgown and put on a bathrobe over it.

That night I went in to my room. To my disappointment, Aragorn was fully dressed. He looked up at me in surprise, eying my outfit. "Can I help you with something?" he said, standing up.

I slowly shook my head, smiling seductively, "No, I just wanted to go to bed." He raised his sexy eyebrows and I covered my mouth with my hand in mock horror. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it like that," I giggled, "It's just that this is my bedroom." I let my bathrobe drop down to the ground and grinned, watching his eyes open wide.

"I'm sorry about the misunderstanding, I'll go find another room," he said quickly and walked out of the room.

Ok, I admit it, I wasa little hurtthat he left, I'd thought he was going to stay. But I guess he was being loyal to his little elven girlfriend, who was probably cheating on him. Damn Elves, they think they're so hot just because they're immortal. I hate them!

But there was some good that had come out of this. I had learned that he was somebody who you could trust...and that I would have to try a lot harder.

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**A/N:** _That's all for now. Sorry again about the length. Hope you liked it anyway. Now to my reviewers from last time:_

_**Anya --**First about the "modern" stuff like flirting, ok this is a fanfic, it doesn't have to be exact all perfectly historical._

_**San --** No I actually do not hate Eowyn. I'm just having fun. I know it's mean to make fun of her crush on Aragorn but oh well._

_**Teen Amazon Queen --** Modern things, once again, its my story, if you don't like it don't read it. For all we know Eowyn could have been a slut. She could have done things that weren't mentioned in the book due to innapropriatness or uninportantness. (not real words lol)_

_**Agent Smith****--** This is not a Mary Sue_

_**Vemi -- **Once again, this is not a Mary Sue. And for all we know Eowyn could have been a slut._

_**Sean-Astins-Baby -- **Hey! Lol it made me laugh to, this story is fun to write._

_**Orli's Pixistix sniffing lover --**thanks_

_**Happy molecule --**ya Aragorn is sexy!_

_**NAzgirl --**thanks. Sure I can email you_

_**Arwentheelf--** thanks!_

_**Nenriel--** (my friend!) thnks! Yes I know im perveted._


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